~SIMPLIFY~

Every so often I get an overwhelming urge to get rid of things. I find myself mentally going thru closets, drawers & cupboards & discarding things. Then, as soon as I find a moment, I dig out the offending items & move them to a designated "donate" bag or shelf. Lately, the notion has spread to other parts of my life. I used to cringe at the boxed foods in my pantry with their hard to read lists of ingredients. While I think we've made great strides in the types of food we buy, starting the process only makes me want to do better. And finally, my amazing children. I believe we must find a balance between showering them with love & instilling confidence - and not more stuff, resulting in whiny, materialistic kids who run our lives.

So, from the over-cluttered closets, to over-processed food & even over-indulged children, how can we stop the cycle, step back & simplify?

Do we need all this stuff? Absolutely, not, and deep down, I think we know that. But a little voice says, "what if we find that perfect use, fix that broken piece or just want to keep it because it's pretty?" I've long hated being governed by things. I love a good purge and the satisfaction of an organized basement. But it doesn't stop me from stashing things to deal with later. I just finished reading "Married to Bhutan" by Linda Leaming, (a country I'm slightly obsessled with), and along with fuleing my desire to visit was a renewed admiration for the way the Bhutanese live. Many of them don't have electricity or plumbing and live in mud homes without insulation. Materially they are a poor country, and yet, they are some of the happiest people on the planet. How so? Because they live in the present, value life, nature and each other & don't care so much about acquiring things. Simplify.

Along with having too much crap (pardon me), why must we put so much of it in our bodies? Because it's easy & we're all pressed for time. I'm no chef & between having an infant, a toddler and a business, I seldom have time to feed myself, let alone concoct a gourmet meal. However, when I do manage to make a dish from scratch I feel an amazing sense of gratification. The website 100 Days of Real Food has been my latest source of inspiration. Coupled with the fact that my son will start solids soon, I am striving to chop a few more veggies and avoid more boxes. Getting back to real food - Simplify.

And finally, this New Yorker article, "Spoiled Rotten" shared by a friend has prompted me to take a closer look at how I deal with my toddler.I want her to be responsible and independent & myself less controlling. I've been wondering about starting her on an allowance, earned thru simple tasks. And I've been looking for ways to handle our battle of the wills. I'll admit that I occasionally resort to promises of treats for good behavior. But rather than rewarding with THINGS, how can I instill values that result in the desire to behave in a certain way? (A child who puts toys away, or gets ready for bed without being asked, or at least without a fight)? I'm not looking for miracles, but these things do happen in other cultures and I'd like to shift a little more in that direction if we could. Less stuff, more focus on responsibility. Simplify.

Anyway, these were the thoughts racing thru my mind at 6:30 this morning and I wanted to share. So, along with the laundry and the laundry list of things to do, I'm going to keep thinking on these points and bit by bit finding ways to incorporate them into our lives. Because, in the end, I want to live for today, enjoy what we have and where we are. And for me that starts with: SIMPLIFY.

My Gentler Cesarean Birth Story

I want to preface this blog with a request to everyone to set aside your judgments about what labor & delivery "should" look like & instead to embrace every woman's story as her own miracle of birth. By sharing our story, I hope to open women to the idea that you can be an active participant - regardless of the HOW, this is not something that happens to you. You have some choices. Thru some small adjustments, we were able to have a beautiful birth with our second child. This process has sparked conversation, interest & a desire to make changes amongst our practice of midwives & doctors as well as at the hospital where we delivered.

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When I learned I was pregnant the first time, I started conjuring images of exactly how the birth would play out. If it's possible, it went exactly the opposite & I learned that a birth plan is a sure-fire way to ensure that nothing will go as planned! Seldom does life  (& it's miracles) follow a plan. When we were blessed to conceive again, I wondered if I dared to hope for the natural drug-free birth I had wanted the first time? I knew I desperately wanted to avoid the emergency cesarean I did have & started to think about factors I might be able to affect. The pregnancy progressed normally & my hopes cautiously soared. But, at 29 weeks, we learned that my amniotic fluid was already getting low. I started bed rest & drinking a gallon of water a day. That also marked the start of weekly (& bi-weekly) ultrasounds, visits with the midwives & a roller coaster of emotions each week as we wondered if TODAY the baby would need to arrive. If the levels went up or remained stable I held on to hope of a natural birth. When they dropped, I tried to accept that a second cesarean might be necessary. After 10 long weeks, I agreed to schedule a cesarean as it was not likely that the baby would tolerate labor well with such little fluid. Leading up to this decision, I started reading, googling & discussing possible options for a different kind of cesarean. Here are the things I wanted to have happen:

1. Music in the O.R. - I wanted my delivery playlist to fill the room with meaningful & comforting songs
2. Dim(mer) lighting - I didn't know if it was possible, but I wanted to minimize the bright sterile lights of the O.R.
3. I wanted my husband & myself to "discover" the gender of the baby together.
4. Skin to skin contact - as soon as possible!

At the pre-op appointment, I planned to bring this up to my mid-wife. Ironically, she came in ready to show me the same video I had seen of a cesarean birth in England that incorporated some of these ideas. She was enthusiastic about implementing these key points & promised to work ahead of time on the lighting & music & getting the rest of the doctors on board.

When we arrived early Monday morning, our "pre-op" room was cozy & dimly lit. Prior to the birth, I relaxed to my delivery playlist & enjoyed a lavender oil foot massage from my husband while reclining in a chair. (I wanted to stay out of the bed). The mood of the nurses was calm & positive. When the time came, I walked on my own to the O.R. My midwife had set up my music, turned on only the lights above the table & gotten all of the team to agree to try this "new" idea. While the anesthesiologist administered the spinal, I leaned on my midwife & focused on the music playing. Shortly after, my husband came in & started to rub my temples with the lavender oil. I was much calmer than the first time around. The ambiance of the room and the team was soothing & exciting at the same time. Things progressed quickly & at the moment of birth, someone lowered the curtain & we discovered the gender of our baby for the first time. Seconds later, he was lying on my bare chest.When I was ready, they took him aside to clean up & weigh him. Not long after, we all returned to our original room for recovery, his bath & breast feeding.

 *skin to skin seconds after his birth*

I don't want to sugar coat a cesarean. It is still a major surgery. Even though it was my second time, I was incredibly nervous. But these few simple changes and a team who was willing to try something different made a huge difference. I had some choices and actively participated in the birth of our son. Whether you have to have a cesarean for medical reasons, or personal choice, I hope that by sharing my story, you can find a way to make your birth story your own.

Acknowledgements:

Brandy Ferner

www.mothernurturedenver.com

Brandy's Birth Story Medicine workshop started me on this journey of accepting my previous birth & opening my mind to other possibilities.

Westside Women's Care - Midwives

https://www.facebook.com/WestsideWomensCare?sk=wall
The midwives at Westside are wonderfully supportive. I highly recommend this practice, it's doctors and entire staff.

Exempla Lutheran Medical Center

www.facebook.com/babieslikelutheran

I appreciate the interest Lutheran has given in publicizing our story in an effort to promote change & choices for other women.